This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
this is an emotional support booty call
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
