fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
