hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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