She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
