Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Your cock deserves a montage
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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