my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
