Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
