he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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