Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Fuck appropriateness.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
