i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
