Where is the hickey?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
