I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
