my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
