what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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