i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
