Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
