dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
two words...techno handjob
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
