woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
God, I missed his penis.
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