Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
