Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
where does the pee come out of this thing
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
