i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
