my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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