We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
