So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
