I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
