4 words: hood of his car
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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