'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
