This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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