He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
