And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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