What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
