I saw his package. It spoke to me.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
