Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
