help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
