Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
