I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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