i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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