So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
