just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
