Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
