Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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