I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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