just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
