You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
