I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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