I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
