I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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