dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
