his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
