i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
