jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
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