Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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