i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I could make wine with my vomit
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
